What Do You Expect?

40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10: 40-42
In the world of elementary schools, the word “expectations” gets used often. Teachers are advised to make their expectations clear to their students, both for their school work and for their behavior. In order to be successful, students need to know exactly what is expected of them.

I find as a teacher that I have to clearly define the expectations myself before I can ask students to meet them. I have to understand what the parameters of the assignment are. For example, what are the absolutely necessary components of a well-written essay? What characteristics need to be present in a project or in a student’s behavior in order to be acceptable? Sometimes I don’t realize that I expected something until I saw a product where that thing was missing.

As a student (and now as an employee), I always appreciated it when someone took the time to describe exactly what was expected of me. I felt more confident about my ability to earn a good grade (or evaluation) when I understood what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to do it. I always want to do a good job, but when “good job” is vague and undefined, I struggle to feel like I am getting it done. That usually results in a frenzied effort to go above and beyond -- just to make sure I make it to that foggy place of “well done.”

And if, after I have exhausted myself trying to do a good job, no one acknowledges my efforts -- or worse yet, criticizes those efforts -- I quickly become overwhelmed by negative emotions. Frustration, resentment, defeat, a critical spirit, unworthiness, and inadequacy rule my heart at that point. I begin to listen to the lies -- You’re not good enough; You’ll never gain approval; No one notices you; No one cares about how hard you’ve worked. No one cares about you.

I know many of you are familiar with the scripture passage above from Luke 10. I suspect that many of you, like myself, identify with Martha in this story. As I was reading this passage this week, Martha’s question posed to Jesus really struck me. I’m paraphrasing here, but she basically said, “Don’t you care that I’m the only one working?” I imagine that she has worked hard for quite some time at this point trying to put together a large banquet-type meal for what could have been a considerable number of people.

But Jesus doesn’t even respond to her question. Instead, He points out that Martha was frustrated because she was doing things He never even asked her to do. He tells her, basically, that she was worried over things that were not needed. 

Did Jesus need to eat? Probably. But did He require a banquet? No. Did He ask for a banquet? No. Did he expect a banquet? I don’t think so. Was it wrong for Martha to want to go above and beyond as she served the Lord and his followers? I’m not sure, but she definitely ended up in the wrong place - worried and frustrated and critical and not in the presence of Jesus.

See, I think Martha expected a lot of herself. It was like she thought she needed to be elaborate with her meal preparations in order to please the Lord-- when, in reality, He would have been pleased had she decided, like Mary, to sit down and be in His presence. I honestly think a simple sandwich after some nice, quality time with Him would have been perfect for Him.

Martha also expected Mary to have the same priorities that she did. She expected Mary to help prepare this elaborate banquet, even though it was apparently Martha who “opened her home” (see verse 38). And when Mary failed to meet her expectations, Martha became frustrated with her as well as with Jesus for not making Mary help her.

This pricks my heart tonight. I am taking a step back to evaluate my own expectations. Am I most concerned about the “one thing” that matters? Am I frustrated because I’m trying to meet unrealistic, unhealthy expectations that I have placed on myself? Am I so distracted and busy “serving the Lord” that I don’t take the time to sit and enjoy His presence? Am I frustrated with others for not meeting my expectations -- even when I haven’t explained those expectations to them? If people around me did what I expected them to do, would they be doing those things that are truly needed? Or would I actually be pulling them away from the things that are most important?

I think I need to begin to regularly ask myself, "What do you expect?"  I don't think it's wrong to have expectations, but I need to be aware of the effects they have on my mind, attitude, and relationships.

Lord, it is easy for me to become frustrated and worried over many things, just like Martha. Thank You for the reminder that only one thing is needed. You are all I need. Help me to be like Mary, taking advantage of the opportunities I have to be with You. Help me to be aware of the times when my expectations are leading me away from You, and guide me back to Your side. Forgive me for holding expectations of others that pull them away from You. Instead, help me to be the one who brings others into Your presence.